Offline test

Yesterday I was walking through Target, and I started to feel queasy. I, of course, immediately attributed the queasiness to pregnancy. I made sure to buy some sparkling water and graham crackers to settle my stomach, and I headed home. Then I started to get angry. I was doing it again! I'm sure before I started my quest to get pregnant, I felt queasy at various times during the month without thinking too much about it. But now just a touch of nausea makes me deliriously happy. It's getting ridiculous.

I decided I needed a reality check. I took a pregnancy test. Now, it's a week before I'm due to get my period. And the test instructions always say to use first morning pee. But I needed to see a negative pregnancy test, just to remind myself not to get my hopes up.

Then I got very sad, because some part of me believes if I were pregnant, it would somehow show up on a test. Or maybe it's become a Pavlovian response by now: see a negative pregnancy test...become devastated.

I'm feeling better today, trying to keep busy. Counting the days until I can take a test again.