I'm still so torn about the whole working mother thing. I am a finalist for a full-time job that would include an hour commute each way. When I applied for the job, I thought our adoption timeline was about 18 months. But when I learned adoption was possible within eight months, possible in as little as six months, everything changed. Although it's illegal (I think) for an employer to take my impending adoption into account in deciding whether or not to hire me, I told one of the women I would be working with anyway. I didn't want to blind side her by taking a major maternity leave just a few months after I started the job. Also, I've waited SO long to become a mother, that I want the option of permanently extending my maternity leave if that's what's working best for our family. The thought of dropping off my child at daycare at seven in the morning and not seeing him until seven at night just kills me.
However, my husband feels it's unconscionable to turn down a full-time job with benefits in this economy. With so many people looking for work, how could I possibly reject this offer (if it happens)? He's even talked of postponing the adoption for a year for this job. That breaks my heart.
I have a part-time job now blogging for social networking site. The pay is not much, but it's something. I also get a few hundred dollars a month from the rental of my late mother's condo. I'm constantly searching for other freelance writing jobs, with the hopes of creating a family-friendly working schedule for myself.
So now I'm just waiting to hear from my possible future employer, to see if they still want me to come in to the final interview, knowing my family situation.
What to do?
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I can see your husband's point, but I look at it like how will I be most fulfilled? My husband has a wonderful job that supports us both and will support a baby as well. So me giving up my government job will hopefully give someone who is struggling in this economy an opportunity they wouldn't have had if I continued working. It's turning down a job that someone else could desperately use, and hopefully that someone else will get the job. It's a hard decision but you have to do what's best for your family, don't look at it like turning down a job in a bad economy, look at it like allowing that job to go to someone more in need. They still have to fill the job, whether you take it or it's offered to someone else.
ReplyDeleteWhat a great way to look at it! Thanks, Kari.
ReplyDeleteOy, the mental gymnastics going on here. Girl, you're putting the cart before the horse and I say that with all due respect.
ReplyDeleteAs an adoptive mom who's been there, I would advise you not to plan your life around the adoption process or you may just find yourself in a cycle of frustration and disappointment. Timelines are fickle and like infertility in general, there is very little that is actually in your control. I say you need to let go a little bit, and live your life as fully as possible, in the most normal way possible.
Adoption is not pregnancy and if you let go of those comparisons, you'll be flyin' high. And, equally as important, adoption is NOT infertility because, get this! There is a guaranteed child in your future. IF sucks, to be sure, but adoption is no consolation prize. When you bring your baby home, you'll realize that this is exactly the way you were supposed to become a mom. I promise.
So: Go for that job you want. Travel. Read. See movies. Stay out late. Whatever...just roll with it.
Oh, and as an aside, when looking for work, don't bank on "maternity leave." An HR Rep for my reputable employer told me when I inquired about it, "You don't get maternity leave because you're not a *real* mother." I went to the mat on that one. And then, semantics be damned, I took my leave unpaid. FMLA will provide some $$$ to carry you through, however.
Good luck to you, Ivana.
This will all work out. I swear.