Miscarriage

It's over. All those weeks of injections and blood draws and ultrasounds and mood swings--over. Just last week it seemed the tremendous physical and emotional effort of IVF paid off in blissful happiness. I was pregnant. Each time I went in for a blood draw to make sure my numbers were going up, I'd get a call from the nurse reassuring me that "everything looks great." Except last Friday.

The phone rang, and my caller ID identified the caller as my clinic. I answered, looking forward to hearing the words "everything looks great." But instead, my nurse Nancy said, "Unfortunately, I don't have good news for you." My numbers had plummeted. I was told I would miscarry in a few days. "So it's over?" I asked, crying. "It's over," Nancy said.

I have been bleeding, very heavily and with extremely painful cramps, for three days. Every time I look at the pad and see a clot, I wonder if that was my baby.

The week I knew I was pregnant was the happiest of my life.