The longest day

I just returned from the IVF clinic for my pregnancy test. I walked into the lab, the phlebotomist jabbed me with the needle, and it was over. Now I must wait for a call from the nurse, sometime between 1 and 4 p.m., to find out the results of the test.

This gives me plenty of time to think about my cycle, now nearing its end. There is only one thing I think I would do differently. I would get a haircut before I started. I felt so emotional during the cycle, with all the hormones pulsing through my system, that I didn't have the patience to sit still for a trim. And now I have a Carol Brady-like mullet. It's not pretty.

My friend Pam gave me good advice yesterday. She said instead of praying for a certain outcome to the test, ask for peace with the result. Just thinking about the word "peace" calms me down. I know if I'm meant to be pregnant, I will be. And if not, I won't. I just have to have confidence that eventually I'll come to terms with the outcome, and will find peace with it. I believe I learned enough from my final days with my mom to embrace that.