Either Way

Whenever I am trying to figure out which direction to go in life, I always look for signs. And they always appear, and send me in the right direction.

I spent most of yesterday doing online research on adoption. As I was immersed in my cyberspace studies yesterday morning, I had my I-pod playing some tunes to keep me company. There is one song on my list that I have not been able to listen to since I moved from San Diego to Atlanta one year ago. It's called "Either Way" by Wilco. Before I left, it was my four-year-old niece's favorite song. Every time we drove somewhere together, she'd implore "Play Either Way! Play it loud!" And so I would, over and over again. I would look in the rearview mirror, and see her singing along to the words she knew by heart, as if she were performing for an audience. After I left San Diego, it was simply too painful to listen to the song and not have her there to sing along with it.

But yesterday, when the first few guitar licks of the song played, I didn't fast forward it. I just sat there, to see how long I could take it. I made it through the whole song. I think the belief that I might soon have a little person of my own to sing songs with helped ease the pain I have about living so far away from my niece.

Then, about a half-hour later, my cell phone rang. My sister's name appeared, so I eagerly answered. The voice on the other end was my niece's. I think she has called me three times since I moved, because she doesn't like talking on the phone. But she chatted away, as if I were just across town. "I want you to take me to school one day. I wish you lived closer. I love you. Do you have volcanoes where you live?"

Here are some of the lyrics to "Either Way":

Maybe the sun will shine today
The clouds will roll away
Maybe I won’t be so afraid
I will understand everything has its plan
Either way